today me and my aunt had a heart to heart. we basically talked about ho i get so angry over little stuff(i.e: me punching a closet when my stepdad told me to take osm eof my makeup off). and that it may be due to my fathers death when i was farely young. and how my mother dragged me away from my home to live ten hours away. and its weird thinking about how those two instances could cause me to act this way after the fact.
for you that pass this blog and wonder"why is she pouring her heart out on the interent?" its because where else can i go besides therapy? blogs are meant for you to speak freely and say whats on your mind.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
make up your mind
so the media tells us "THIN IS IN", "THE LOWER YOUR PANTS SIZE THE BETTER". and thats kind of what i focus on being smaller. over a summer(last summer) i went from an eleven to a seven and currently im between a five and a seven, im pretty happy with my size now i dont feel self concious anymore and i can wear what i want for the most part.
then recently a close friend of mine turned my world upside down. he liked thick girls. i know its not that shocking: bigger breasts, smaller waist, biiiiig butt. but it never was- i guess-threw in my face like that. he told me i was skinny and i wasnt thick enough. and id spent all my time trying to be skinnier and went through alot to get to where i am and he tells me i need to eat more, i need to weigh more??!! and suddenly i felt inaddequate. so im stuck betweeen a rock and a hard place.. do i try to be thick or stay on the slim path? because to me the grass looks green on each side.
then recently a close friend of mine turned my world upside down. he liked thick girls. i know its not that shocking: bigger breasts, smaller waist, biiiiig butt. but it never was- i guess-threw in my face like that. he told me i was skinny and i wasnt thick enough. and id spent all my time trying to be skinnier and went through alot to get to where i am and he tells me i need to eat more, i need to weigh more??!! and suddenly i felt inaddequate. so im stuck betweeen a rock and a hard place.. do i try to be thick or stay on the slim path? because to me the grass looks green on each side.
single experiment
on youtube there seems to be alot of videos about being single. i dont understand this. Reason#1: why do you feeel the need to publicize your singleness..? Reason#2: i dont care. no one cares. the only reason people watch is because they have nothing else to do. but ehough ranting there was a point to this.
im always single. no i am not lonely, hideous, or have B.O. im just never"tied down". i have plenty of "boos" or "sidelines" if you will but ive never really had a...... boyfriend. which is most times fine with me, im quite independant. but theres those few time when i see a couple holding hands or just looking "in love" and suddenly i dont want anything more than to be loved.. i think i may have a fear of commitment or i just dont trust people enough. id probably go insane worrying about if he was cheating on me. that with my slightly short fuse would end up badly.
i want to know if im alone or if your feel the same way, or if you would just like to speak your mind. so if you run across this blog dont be afraid to comment
im always single. no i am not lonely, hideous, or have B.O. im just never"tied down". i have plenty of "boos" or "sidelines" if you will but ive never really had a...... boyfriend. which is most times fine with me, im quite independant. but theres those few time when i see a couple holding hands or just looking "in love" and suddenly i dont want anything more than to be loved.. i think i may have a fear of commitment or i just dont trust people enough. id probably go insane worrying about if he was cheating on me. that with my slightly short fuse would end up badly.
i want to know if im alone or if your feel the same way, or if you would just like to speak your mind. so if you run across this blog dont be afraid to comment
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